Shutterstock/Kostenko Maximel
THIS season is, of course, a time of goodwill to all. It is about giving – offering gifts to your nearest and dearest, making food for family and friends and perhaps donating to a charity that is helping people in a less fortunate position. But it can also be a time when you set yourself high standards. Any old meal won’t do, it needs to be amazing and so do the nibbles, and the wine, and the tree. Your efforts to give everyone else a good time can leave you feeling frazzled.
So, how about a little goodwill to ourselves? I am not talking about self-indulgence and self-obsession, but self-compassion. It doesn’t mean deciding that you are always great and never wrong. It means accepting that you are human and that, like everyone, you do your best but sometimes make mistakes. Recent research shows that self-compassion is essential for our mental health and, as I explain in my new book The Keys to Kindness, it is far from selfish because it can leave you in a better position to be kind to others.
Scientists have various methods of measuring self-criticism and self-compassion, but most revolve around self-report scales. As an example, consider the following statements. Do any of them ring true for you?
“I fear that if I become kinder to and less critical of myself my standards will drop.”
“Getting on in life is about being tough rather than compassionate.”
“When I try to feel kind and warm to myself I just feel kind of empty.”
These statements are part of a psychological scale devised by Paul Gilbert at …
